Miriam delivered these remarks for herself and her mother, Malka.
I am going to be sharing some words my mother has prepared and then I will share a few personal memories of my own.
This is what my mother wanted to share with all of you:
While my brother Leo grew up with the sense of impending disaster, I am happy to say that i grew up feeling extremely safe and protected by both my parents. When I was young, in my mind Poland and the war were a long time ago and very far away and had nothing to do with our existence in Canada. Despite both having had such difficult pasts, they managed to create an extremely warm and stable home for my brothers and myself. My mother took extremely good care of us. I admired everything she did at home: I would watch her, fascinated by the way she would turn her mouth full of water into a vaporizer while ironing. Our darned socks were a work of art. I looked forward to supper every night because each meal was always home-cooked and delicious, and also, punctually served at 6pm. She worked from morning to night taking care of every detail to keep our home neat and spotless, our clothes clean and mended, fill us with 3 good meals a day. Everything ran smoothly and I took for granted that this would never change, and it never did as long as I was living at home. She was fast and efficient in everything she did, and when Charlie started school, she insisted on going to work since she felt she no longer had enough to do at home. Our father was worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep up with the housework but she always did. We never wanted for anything. She worked for 25 years and was very proud of the work she did.
On top of her devotion to her family, she was part of large group of friends – all holocaust survivors who met in Montreal after the war. These friends were extremely important to her and to me they all felt like aunties and uncles. Our close knit extended family along with this group of friends, further added to my sense of security. Although not religious, my mother was determined to have a large sumptuous party for Leo’s Bar Mitzvah attended by all of these friends and family. It was the celebration of the successful life they had created in Montreal.
My mother lived 39 years in her apartment on Rosedale. For half those years she was working and for the other half she was retired. Whether she was working or retired during those years, she always kept an open house and was happy to receive family and friends. She prepared beautiful meals, the whole time making it all seem so easy.
Everyone was welcome in her home. My four American nieces and nephews (Maurice’s brother’s children) visited Montreal often to see their grandparents. But they would always visit my mother too. They all told me they have such fond memories of my mother and her apartment and how well they were treated and fed. Some of them told me they even thought she was their grandmother too.
All who met her – at home or elsewhere – found her a gracious, charming, generous, caring and gentle person.
Now I would like to share some of my thoughts:
As you all know, little by little the Bubba her kids and grandkids grew up knowing slowly slipped away from us. The past years have been very depressing for all of us, watching Bubba lose not only her memory but her ability to enjoy even the simple pleasures of life.
While I am sadden by her passing, I find comfort in knowing that she is not suffering anymore. Saturday and Sunday as I thought of what Iwanted to share with all of you, my mind was filled with so many memories I didn’t know even where to start. My eyes filled up with tears on numerous occasions. But what I realized was that these weren’t only tears of sadness, they were bitter sweet tears because I am slowly regaining the memory of the Bubba of my childhood and teenage years: of the Bubba who babysat me, took me to the movies, organized sleepovers with my cousins, and never failed to bring back lots of gifts for all of us from her many travels.
She was incredibly generous with both her time and money. Not only was she generous with her money, but she never wanted us to spend ours. It was always a fight to try to pay. I remember on several occasions inviting her to lunch and when i arrived to pick her up, the table was already set and she said, I had food, why should we go out? She wanted to be the one who took care of me and not the other way around. Once again, she found a way to be the one treating me and not the other way around.
She was so proud of all of us, whenever any of her kids or grandkids would visit The Waldorf she would walk around with us, stop her walker and introduce us to her neighbours and friends. There were likely dozens of people at The Waldorf that probably didn’t even know my name but they definitely knew I was a lawyer.
Sara and I often joked about how it’s a miracle we didn’t grow up resenting each other because, while I thought all Bubba ever did was boast about my cousins, I later learned that to them she would boast about me. Another quality that comes to mind is her fairness, if she gave one of us something, she would always give it to he others too. Sara and I have another silly rivalry going that no one seems to get except us and of course, I like to think Bubba. We went to camp and made pottery. I choose to make an ashtray which is a bit odd for a 7 or 10 year old kid but then again Bubba did always have a crystal unused ashtray on her coffee table. Sara made some sort of a pig. We gave them both to Bubba and she kept them on her shelf for over 20 years, until I finally took them back when she moved to the nursing floor of The Waldorf. Sara and I would always jokingly fight over whose pottery was better and which Bubba liked better, for years we would joke with her and try to get her to admit that one was better than the other, and of course, she never did.
I know i speak for my entire family, immediate and extended, when from the bottom of my heart, I thank Tina, Dolly and Myrtle for the thousands of hours carrying for Bubba as if she were their own mother. We will forever cherish the memory of the gentle loving care you gave her in her last years and the peace of mind you provided all of us.